As an immigrant educator, I've had to learn more than just a new language. I’ve had to learn how things are said, when to speak, when to wait, and what silence means in a completely different culture. One experience from my first year teaching in Denver still echoes in my heart.
It happened during team planning sessions for a summer program. My goal at the time was to learn more about Denver and its people, and I was excited to contribute. But right away, I noticed the way planning worked here was very different from what I knew.
In my culture and personal experience, meetings usually have one main speaker. It’s a sign of respect to listen carefully and not interrupt while they are speaking or directly challenge ideas in front of everyone else, especially in public. If you have something really important to say, you usually meet with the leader in private. It’s hard to explain, it’s just something everyone understands. I think it's because we value relationshiops and human conections over work matters. I could say that to some extent it's often more important to be nice than to be right.
So I stayed quiet during most of those early meetings. I listened. I waited for my turn to speak. I thought deeply before offering any ideas because I didn’t want to be disrespectful. Meanwhile, my colleagues were loud, friendly, and spoke freely, sometimes over each other. I know we sometimes do this in Costa Rica, but only in very informal settings with friends or relatives. These guys were not my friends or relatives. I knew they weren’t being unprofessional either. They were just engaged in their own way. But I didn’t know when it was my turn to jump in or how much I was supposed to “push back” in this group setting. It felt very uncomfortable the whole time.
Later, I found out that one of my colleagues thought that I was lazy, that I just didn’t want to work. That really hurt because I was actually puting a lot of pressure on myself. They didn’t know that I was just trying to show respect, and honestly, I wasn’t sure how to navigate those new social rules. I’ve always struggled with that, even in my own language and culture.
This experience reminded me of something I read in Green (2019). She explains that teachers' personal stories often reveal how easily cross-cultural confusions can arise, especially when people misinterpret differences in communication styles. These misunderstandings can lead others to unfairly judge someone’s work ethic or willingness to collaborate.
I learned that respect looks different in every culture. I also learned that silence can say a lot, but not always what we intend. Since then, I’ve made an effort to explain where I’m coming from, to ask questions when I’m unsure, and to give others the benefit of the doubt when things feel off.
I’ve learned that it’s okay to speak up, even if I do it differently, and that if we don’t tell our own story, someone else might write it for us.
These kinds of personal stories help us become better leaders and better people. When we’ve been misunderstood, we become more aware of how easy it is to misread others. When we know how it feels to be silent in a loud room, we start to make space for others to speak up in their own way.
As leaders in multicultural education, it’s not just about strategy. It’s about listening. It’s about healing. And it’s about choosing to build bridges when confusion tries to divide us.
Here are a few learning activities that can help to figure our new social rules:
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Silent Observer Reflection: Attend a planning meeting as a silent observer, then reflect on what you noticed about participation and communication.
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Cultural Norms Mapping: Invite staff to compare how their culture communicates respect, disagreement, and leadership.
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Story Circles: Create a safe space for educators to share one story of cultural misunderstanding and what they learned.
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